I realized today that all of my friends were their updating blogs, and I remembered I had one too. Ironically, the last entry was the day before the car accident. I wonder why I haven't been back here since? Maybe because all of my days are filled with work, physical therapy, and paperwork like I've never encountered? I suppose that's a fairly good excuse.
Truth is, writing helps my brain relax. So it's safe to say I haven't been relaxed in the last 5 months. Yup, I think that's accurate. Everyday I have been inundated with to do lists, both written and brain-recited. I guess that makes me normal. Woo hoo.
For the last few days though, I have noticed a song bird in my yard that hasn't lived here previously. Beats me what kind it is, (chalk that up to a long ago, failed attempt at bird watching knowledge) but I can tell you it has a beautiful voice. The crazy thing is, it's a voice that I've heard before. I know that you are thinking I'm retarded and of course bird songs are all the same if it's the same kind of bird. But, what I mean to say is, it's been a long time since I've noticed a bird song. Like, a REALLY long time.
And I am thinking, did they stop singing? Did I stop listening? It's kind of a cold, hard, reality slap in the face, since I do know the answer. And then I wonder, WHEN did I stop listening? Last year? Last decade? Last millennium?
Once upon a time I was a person that knew when the birds would sing, the breeze would blow, the sun would shine. I could eat an ice cream cone with reckless abandon, have nothing to do and be really good at it, and drop everything to have some fun. Now, I don't look at the yard as a habitat but as a stress, I worry about my cholesterol, and I give up play times for chores. I'm plugged in, networked out, and driven by schedules. And truth is, I don't like the person that doesn't hear the bird song. This new 10. something version of me isn't making me happy.
So I think, I just have to schedule in some fun time. And then I realize I've already failed. Ugh. I have to force myself to hear the bird song? Really? I didn't used to have to. I just ... did. I think that God sent me that little whatever-kind-of-bird-it-is to wake me up. Not just literally, which it does, but figuratively. Maybe it flies around behind me all day. I wouldn't know. You know the song lyric, "You dance over me, while I am unaware... You sing all around, but I never hear the sound..." I am amazed by what God does, when I stop to think about it. Which is exactly my problem. Stopping.
