Saturday, March 12, 2011

5 months later...

I realized today that all of my friends were their updating blogs, and I remembered I had one too. Ironically, the last entry was the day before the car accident. I wonder why I haven't been back here since? Maybe because all of my days are filled with work, physical therapy, and paperwork like I've never encountered? I suppose that's a fairly good excuse.
Truth is, writing helps my brain relax. So it's safe to say I haven't been relaxed in the last 5 months. Yup, I think that's accurate. Everyday I have been inundated with to do lists, both written and brain-recited. I guess that makes me normal. Woo hoo.
For the last few days though, I have noticed a song bird in my yard that hasn't lived here previously. Beats me what kind it is, (chalk that up to a long ago, failed attempt at bird watching knowledge) but I can tell you it has a beautiful voice. The crazy thing is, it's a voice that I've heard before. I know that you are thinking I'm retarded and of course bird songs are all the same if it's the same kind of bird. But, what I mean to say is, it's been a long time since I've noticed a bird song. Like, a REALLY long time.
And I am thinking, did they stop singing? Did I stop listening? It's kind of a cold, hard, reality slap in the face, since I do know the answer. And then I wonder, WHEN did I stop listening? Last year? Last decade? Last millennium?
Once upon a time I was a person that knew when the birds would sing, the breeze would blow, the sun would shine. I could eat an ice cream cone with reckless abandon, have nothing to do and be really good at it, and drop everything to have some fun. Now, I don't look at the yard as a habitat but as a stress, I worry about my cholesterol, and I give up play times for chores. I'm plugged in, networked out, and driven by schedules. And truth is, I don't like the person that doesn't hear the bird song. This new 10. something version of me isn't making me happy.
So I think, I just have to schedule in some fun time. And then I realize I've already failed. Ugh. I have to force myself to hear the bird song? Really? I didn't used to have to. I just ... did. I think that God sent me that little whatever-kind-of-bird-it-is to wake me up. Not just literally, which it does, but figuratively. Maybe it flies around behind me all day. I wouldn't know. You know the song lyric, "You dance over me, while I am unaware... You sing all around, but I never hear the sound..." I am amazed by what God does, when I stop to think about it. Which is exactly my problem. Stopping.

1 comment:

  1. You simply MUST write more often. I love reading it! And what a lovely gift that was sent to you, a sweet little song! You also MUST read One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp, if you have not already. It is amazing and truly helps you make yourself SLOW DOWN! You can thank me later ;)

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