Lost in the music

Just bought a new album on iTunes. Rarely do I buy a whole album. Mostly I just pick and choose and "buffet" most of my musical selections. That harkens back to the days of 45s and not wanting to invest so much of my teenage money on B sides that mostly seemed like fillers, and certainly never got air play on the AM radio.

But in the new age of technology, I purchased an iTunes LP. Apparently it has tons of extra stuff. That is nice and all, but I try to remember to strip away the extras and be about the music. This particular album, called The Goat Rodeo Sessions, features YoYo Ma in an odd mix of bluegrass/classical melodies. It is way different and intriguing and I LOVE it.

As I sit here taking in the newness of this product, my mind is racing about what draws me to it.

In first grade I desperately wanted to play the cello. I remember the band teachers giving an assembly, and I remember it was the only time I approached the stage of the multipurpose room ever... much less to talk to a teacher I did not know. I was mesmerized by the cello. The smell of it. The deepness of the wood color. It seemed massive to me, but was not intimidating. The sound it made resonated in my chest and filled me with notes. This was something new and beautiful, and it offered to take me on a delightful journey into the mastery of music.

I think the dream only lasted a few hours, because when I returned home my mom told me that cello lessons were most certainly out of the question. It was confusing to hear "no music lessons for you" while my sibling was practicing his trumpet down the hall. I think my parents did a lot to encourage my brother to like education. They didn't have to do that with me, which I am sure was a relief for them, but I do wonder what worlds would have opened up for me had I been allowed to rosin up that bow at such a young age. My determination to create might just have taken me even further than I could imagine.

In the interview on the album, they define Goat Rodeo as-

"A Goat Rodeo AKA Goat Rope, is about the most polite term used by aviation people (and others in higher risk situations) to describe a scenario that requires about 100 things to go right at once if you intend to walk away from it."

That is definition 2 in the urban dictionary. I prefer definition 3...

"A chaotic situation, often one that involves several people, each with a different agenda/vision/perception of what's going on; a situation that is very difficult, despite energy and efforts, to instill any sense or order."

There you have it. Our lives are most certainly goat rodeos. OK, I don't want to project that on you. MY life is a goat rodeo. This is why I am so enamored with this album. The whole thought behind it makes me realize that many things need to come together to make up ME. A ME with any sense of order. A ME I can walk away from in the end because things went together right. 

Newsflash, I like things to go right. ALL THE TIME. I like to make sure that I am right, you are right, they are right, the situation is right, and the outcome is right. Ugh. Reality check. This pretty much never happens. I get in trouble if I am too worried about me or you or them being right. 

Lately, I have been doing an inventory of things that make up ME. The things that I thought were rightly included in my life but were somehow dropped by the wayside. The things that at one time kept me sane, grounded me, molded me, whatever you want to call it, that were swapped for survival skills or different things that the world interjected into my rodeo. I would like to offer that I am sure that God knew what he was doing when he started my life rolling. And, as I have learned this week in bible study, He is El Roi- the God who sees. Me. All the time. Do you think He gets sad when I give up His right designs for me to conform to the world? (Yes, yes, Romans, I know...) What about when I run away from the world because I am off-balance and missing the things that I perceived were crucial elements for my core being? Or when I hide because I am not heard or valued or appreciated, so I give up? I hope I am not missing the things that need to go right for me to walk away from this life intact.

Ultimately I know He wants me find His design in myself. To find His order in my being.

And, if I like this cello music, even with odd banjos and mandolins thrown in, then know that it is so because He breathed that creativity and vision IN me to see it, hear it, and appreciate it. And maybe not everyone will, but then they may not see, hear, and appreciate ME either, but I am here and designed for SOMEONE just like this music is.

The artists knew that someone out there would "understand" this offering. There is a track called 13:8. Curious, I searched all the 13:8s in the bible. 1 Chronicles says, 

"David and all the Israelites were celebrating with all their might before God, with songs and with harps, lyres, timbrels, cymbals and trumpets."

I don't know if that is what they were referring too, but I would like to go out on a limb and say, IT FITS. It fits right. A bunch of things going on at once to produce something amazing… like my life. Things that make me up might not look "right" individually, but I know that I am God's design, and I most certainly will find order and beautiful music in His plan for me.